What to Do When Negative Thoughts Are Ruining Your Day
Tired of your inner critic throwing a never-ending pity party in your brain?
You’re not alone. But there is a way out. In this article, I’ll cover a four step process to get back into the feelings you want to feel and release negativity. Get ready to feel a whole lot better!
Written By Tiffany Woodfield, Financial Coach, TEP®, CRPC®, CIM®
What causes negative thoughts to arise?
Humans have a “negative bias.“
We tend to focus on negative stimuli more than positive stimuli.
For example, imagine yourself having a killer day at work. You just did a successful presentation, your boss praised you, and you met a friend for lunch to celebrate.
You are on a high and feel invincible.
Then you grab an afternoon coffee, and the person behind you gets all huffy and tells you that you pushed in front of them. Jeesh!
Now, you’re back at the office and can’t get out of the slump. You keep wondering why that person said that. Why were they so rude?
The negative bias means the bad things in our day capture our attention. (+)
How can I tell if my thoughts are becoming negative?
Follow these simple steps to tell if your thoughts are becoming negative:
Step 1: Be aware of how you feel.
Pause and notice the thoughts in your mind.
How are you feeling?
Has your heart rate and rate of breathing increased?
Some people will say, “I never notice how my body reacts when I have a negative thought.” Yes, this is because you don’t typically know what your body feels like. The easiest way to understand this is to start a mindfulness practice.
I am a big advocate for meditation because taking 5 minutes in the morning to sit quietly and notice your body makes it easier to be aware when you are triggered during the day.
Step 2: Change these negative thoughts into positive ones.
It may seem daunting to change your thought patterns all at once.
But start with one and be curious if you could look at it differently. For example, if your negative thought was “I am hopeless,” try to think of times when you did something positive. A good strategy if you are really feeling down is to look around and find something you genuinely like about someone around you.
It can be as simple as their scarf.
Next, tell them!
We never know what someone else is going through. When you connect with someone, maybe you’ll make their day. You’ll improve two people’s day at the same time! And remember, our subconscious can feel when you are being genuine. So, only do this if it’s authentic to you.
Step 3: Understand if something triggered you
Knowing your triggers will help you avoid these future situations or at least be prepared for them.
Acknowledging, “Oh, here we go again, I got triggered because I used to believe that – insert what you believed– but now I can see this negative pattern. Now I understand it doesn’t serve me.
You then will say something positive.
For example, you might say, “I know in the past I would run around trying to please everyone because I was so worried someone might think I was selfish. I now realize this was serving everyone else and not me.
Self-care is taking care of myself and listening to my needs, which is not selfish. When I am taken care of, I have more to give to others.
Step 4: Use the positive statement as a mantra.
Your positive statement can be repeated daily as a Mantra, particularly once you have identified a trigger that comes up often for you.
Step 5: Learn to practice gratitude every day.
Practicing gratitude is an excellent tool to change your mindset from negative to positive.
Are there specific triggers I should be aware of that may lead to negative thinking?
Negative thoughts are natural.
But when they become more constant, they can change your perception of everything in life, and you feel hopeless. The most common causes of an increase in negative thoughts are stress, worry, a traumatic event, and low self-esteem.
The weather also triggers many people.
For example, short days where it is dark when you get up and dark when you get home from work make it more challenging to feel positive and in a “sunny” disposition. It can help to check in and see if you’re just feeling down because of the weather.
What are some effective ways to stop negative thoughts as soon as they start?
First, Pause.
As soon as negative thoughts start, you’ll want to pause and focus on the present moment. Get into the feeling of the present moment and where you are. Feel your feet on the ground, sense the smells in the room, and notice your breath.
Then, Be Curious.
Notice what your thoughts are and identify them.
Let’s say this is your thought: “I am never going to be able to do this.”
Then you can say to yourself, “Oh, I’m thinking that I’m never going to be able to do this.”
You can acknowledge the thought and be curious about it. Being curious allows you to create separation from yourself and your thoughts. Be honest about these thoughts and make them vivid and real to you.
Next, Choose.
Now that you have had a moment to breathe and notice the mental chatter choose how you want to move forward. What is your intention at this moment?
How do negative thoughts affect my overall health and well-being?
Negative thoughts can increase blood pressure and lower your immune system.
Your negative thoughts can put you into a constant state of anxiety and stress, and have a negative impact on your life and health. While one negative thought in a day can be easy to overcome, when negative thoughts multiply, you can become depressed and feel doomy and gloomy. That’s why it’s important to acknowledge and deal with the thoughts.
Can negative thoughts actually manifest into negative life events?
A friend once said to me that his mom would never go to his games as a kid because she was afraid to see them lose.
She lived in this fear and missed out on so many opportunities to share in her son’s experience.
So, can negative thoughts manifest into negative life events? Yes.
Living in fear means you stop yourself from living your life fully. It also taints your perception of everything in your life.
So, if you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you are never fully present in the blissful moments of life.
If you always have your negative glasses on, you see adverse life events all around you, whether they are genuinely negative or positive.
This is overlaid with the fact that we react more to negative stimuli than positive ones, and we remember insults more than praise. So, our decisions will be based on negative information and can manifest negative life events.
Final Thoughts
So, make sure you follow the steps I covered above to ensure your negative thoughts don’t take over your life.
And remember, just as negative thoughts can create negative outcomes, dwelling in the positive can transform your life. If you can start to cultivate feelings of gratitude and love in your daily life, your experience of the world will change.
And that’s when you’ll start to discover new and exciting opportunities and adventures!
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About the Author
TIFFANY WOODFIELD is a financial coach, cross-border expert, and the co-founder of SWAN Wealth based out of Kelowna, BC. As a TEP and associate portfolio manager, Tiffany has extensive experience working with successful professionals who want to leave a legacy and enjoy an adventurous, work-optional lifestyle. Tiffany combines extensive knowledge from her background as a financial professional with coaching and her passion for personal development to help her clients create a unique path that allows them to live their fullest potential. Tiffany has been a regular contributor to Bloomberg TV and has been interviewed by national and international publications, including the Globe and Mail and Barron’s.